I am excited to announce that I am now trained as a Gottman Method Level 3 Trained Therapist Let me tell you what this means!
The Gottman Method is an approach to couples therapy that includes a thorough assessment of the couple relationship while integrating research-based interventions based on the Sound Relationship House Theory. Gottman Method Couple’s Therapy begins with an assessment process that then informs the therapeutic framework and intervention.
Assessment
A conjoint session, followed by individual interviews with each partner are conducted. Couples complete questionnaires and then receive detailed feedback on their relationship.
Therapeutic Framework
The couple and therapist decide on the frequency and duration of the sessions.
Therapeutic Interventions
Interventions are designed to help couples strengthen their relationships in three primary areas: friendship, conflict management, and creation of shared meaning. Couples learn to replace negative conflict patterns with positive interactions and to repair past hurts. Interventions designed to increase closeness and intimacy are used to improve friendship, deepen emotional connection, and create changes which enhances the couples shared goals. Relapse prevention is also addressed.
Goals and Principles of the Gottman Method
The goals of Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to disarm conflicting verbal communication, increase intimacy, respect, and affection, remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy in conflicting situations, and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman developed nine components of healthy relationships known as The Sound Relationship House Theory.
Build Love Maps
How well do you know your partner’s inner psychological world, his or her history, worries, stresses, joys, and hopes?
Share Fondness and Admiration
The antidote for contempt, this level focuses on the amount of affection and respect within a relationship. (To strengthen fondness and admiration, express appreciation and respect.)
Turn Towards Instead of Away
State your needs, be aware of bids for connection and respond to (turn towards) them. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of relationship.
The Positive Perspective
The presence of a positive approach to problem-solving and the success of repair attempts.
Manage Conflict
We say “manage” conflict rather than “resolve” conflict, because relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. Understand that there is a critical difference in handling perpetual problems and solvable problems.
Make Life Dreams Come True
Create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions and aspirations.
Create Shared Meaning
Understand important visions, narratives, myths, and metaphors about your relationship.
Trust
This is the state that occurs when a person knows that his or her partner acts and thinks to maximize that person’s best interests and benefits, not just the partner’s own interests and benefits. In other words, this means, “my partner has my back and is there for me.”
Commitment
This means believing (and acting on the belief) that your relationship with this person is completely your lifelong journey, for better or for worse (meaning that if it gets worse you will both work to improve it). It implies cherishing your partner’s positive qualities and nurturing gratitude by comparing the partner favorably with real or imagined others, rather than trashing the partner by magnifying negative qualities, and nurturing resentment by comparing unfavorably with real or imagined others.
Who Can Benefit from the Gottman Method?
In his New York Times bestselling book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman writes, “Although you may feel your situation is unique, we have found that all marital conflicts fall into two categories: Either they can be resolved, or they are perpetual, which means they will be part of your lives forever, in some form or another.” Gottman says that 69% of marital conflicts are perpetual problems, and these are of particular focus in much of the work performed by Gottman-trained therapists.
Some of the relationship issues that may be addressed in therapy include:
- Frequent conflict and arguments
- Poor communication
- Emotionally distanced couples on the verge of separation
- Specific problems such as sexual difficulties, infidelity, money, and parenting
Even couples with “normal” levels of conflict may benefit from the Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Gottman-trained therapists aim to help couples build stronger relationships overall and healthier ways to cope with issues as they arise in the future.
Call us today to start the assessment process with your partner!
Post Taken from: https://www.gottman.com/about/the-gottman-method/
Often spouses who have been betrayed sexually, emotionally, or with some other major breach of trust will be instructed by a therapist or friend to have their spouse take a polygraph. On the surface this can appear a sure—fire way to “force the truth” and transcend spousal denial, ambiguity, minimization, or avoidance. While the polygraph can detect the difference in truthful compared to untruthful responses regarding some overt behaviors (e.g. “have you had sexual intercourse or oral sex outside of your marriage in the last _____ days?”) often spouse don’t know the extent or range of behaviors, their frequency, starting points, circumstance or context, and whether or not the behavior has ceased. Rarely will a forced polygraph equate to healing, trust, or full knowledge of someone’s secret life.
There is a lot of intentionality needed as to the timing and wording of an effective polygraph: one that doesn’t fall into the breach as either too vague or too specific. A truly therapeutic polygraph then is one that is usually positioned after a period of transparency and trust building so that the results will confirm or corroborate regularly observed behavior as well as the written disclosure that often accompanies the experience. You are limited to just a very few questions in the poly, usually no more than four and often one of these is “where you honest, forthcoming, and thorough to the best of your awareness in your written and/or verbal disclosure?”.
Taking a polygraph too early in the discovery/disclosure process (whether with strong evidence … or just the suspicion or perception of betrayal or dishonesty) is usually ill advised for several reasons. Until they are better informed some spouses will be suspicious the counselor or polygrapher are somehow “in cahoots” and either directly conspiring or indirectly “coaching” the client on “how to pass” the polygraph (as if there were some secret or universal trick that could deceive the machine). Keep in mind that most clients view the polygraph as a forensic experience (i.e. for suspected criminals) and so may have some strong stigma to overcome to see this as a helpful and healthy part of their recovery. Also, even if the poly reveals the presence of new or suspected behaviors a couple will not have a therapeutic context or “container” with which to process the meaning, duration, frequency, or cessation of behaviors, … or to explore various options going forward, unless they are seeing a professional counselor.
